Pray for Chile.

NY Times Op-Ed

Read it here.

Fresh new expression of God's love ...

Above, a new Baby Girl born last night at Heartline.
She is 8lbs and 1ounce. Jen was called in when she was 8 minutes old because it got scary at that point. She recovered quickly after some help breathing and a few chest compressions. For a few minutes everyone was pretty nervous. She is doing wonderful today, so is 29 year old mom, Jesula.

Little Baby Kenny(above and below) born to the young mama named Djenie (Jenny) below.
The Heartline team fought to save him last week and now he is at the MIA field hospital for a while. We hope to spring him from there soon.

Below, baby girl Rochelle, at MIA field hospital. Her parents are adorable and hopeful for her full recovery.They have four other children at home.

PICU/NICU at MIA field hospital - more preemies - they're doing great things with the little ones. I think I counted 8 or 9 on feeding tubes, in isolettes or under bilirubin lights. These babies, post earthquake are alive BECAUSE of the earthquake ... kind of strange to think that they have a place to grow bigger and get stronger, whereas prior to the earthquake they would not have had this resource available, and therefore would have died. The complexity of that thought is too much for my head. Others died without good care, and the little babes get to live because it got here. Does that stir up unexplainable emotions for anyone else?

Dr. Jen and Dr. Abe are Minnesotans (Jen in yellow, Abe in scrubs). Lyndsey lives in Mexico full time as a missionary there (in brown). Peeking from behind Dr Abe is Barbie, a PA from Alaska. In addition to these four we have about 25 others from all over the USA and Canada. The team has continually gelled really well, an amazing thing for people from varying backgrounds and so many in and out of the hospital week to week. I agree with John McHoul that God has shown favor to our little gig.

Below is a beautiful woman (two actually) that got a tiny bit of care on the night of the earthquake but then waited three whole weeks before finding her way to Heartline through a friend of hers that knows John. Her femur was fixed at the Double Harvest Ortho surgery center and now she is recovering with us. Can you imagine having a broken femur with no pain meds for three weeks? Me either.
Most every team that has come and gone in the last several weeks has fallen for this guy. He is pictured above helping to do his own dressing change. He needs to feel a little bit more in control and Jen and Barbie allowed him that today. He lost BOTH his mother and father on Jan 12th. He has lost range of motion and use of one of his hands from a crush injury. His leg is still healing, as is his head. His maternal grandmother is his remaining family member. He is ten years old and a total charmer. Today Rosemon and I went on a little field trip to drop three nurses off to the airport and then came to meet Jeronne and Tipap. Rosemon thinks daily trips to hang out over at our house is a great recovery plan moving forward. :) I cannot say that I blame him. Later in the day Rony (the new little guy from the Comfort ship yesterday) came for a visit. He also had a Coke and enjoyed a break from the hospital scene.

To: Isaac and Noah, these little boys (Rony and Rosemon) are both ten and they both really like your light sabers, please pray for them - they are tough and strong just like you guys but they need prayers for healing. They are keeping Jeronne and Tipap company because this house misses you kids!
It was very interesting to me to watch Jeronne and Tipap's response to the boys. I think that if you have a way to insulate yourself from the reality "out there" - it becomes really easy to not know how bad your friends and neighbors are hurting. Both of them became incredibly somber when I brought the boys over. It was good to sort of talk through their stories and see the compassionate responses. I suggested that they might like to come cheer people up and make short visits to the hospital. I am hoping they decide to do that.

I have long thought it is super easy to stay fit and trim in Haiti. You work hard, you sweat non stop, you sometimes run out of time or energy to eat. But, I might be in trouble this week. Jeronne is so happy I am back she is making me massive amounts of her food. I am beyond touched by her love, but a person can only eat so much vegetable oil before their heart clogs up and chokes. A lot of Haitian food is fried and greasy. I told her tonight that she better not send me back to Troy with a giant butt. She just laughs at me.

I better get going to church. If I don't go I will never hear the end of it from one, John McHoul. John claims he is having an alter call just for my benefit tonight. I told him I would swear on the way down toward the front if he did that, he said, "That's fine, as long as you don't swear afterward."

Have a great Sunday night, I am so blessed to be here.
Thank you God.

Tara

Emotions

Today was such an amazing day.

I woke up to read about Chile and the earthquake and for the next few hours I could not get my mind wrapped around a 8.8 earthquake ... I still cannot. I know what 7.0 felt like and I cannot imagine moving more than that. So very scary. I am terribly sorry to hear of more loss and destruction.

I hurried up and got ready to head over to the hospital. Jen had invited Beth and I to join her on a trip out to the Comfort Ship. I had no idea how much I would get to experience. I have been on the ship once before in April when they were here for a good-will scheduled trip. Today was so much more interesting having so many connections to people on the boat.



As we arrived by smaller boat, we were greeted right away by beautiful women. They were nurses, a midwife, and doctors (all military) that knew Collette, knew baby Esther, had deep connections and were a part of the larger story that God told with Collette.

We got to hear about the surgeries and the situation with Collette and what they went through to make their decisions. We all stood there teary-eyed realizing how many miracles lined up for Collette and Esther and how amazing it is that they both withstood those injuries for 6 days before we ever found them. There was supernatural protection around Collette and Esther, there has not been anyone that can believe they both lived. They told us that Esther is famous all over the world. She was in LIFE magazine and on the cover of a Navy Magazine. :)

We got to have lunch on board the ship and hear the stories of what went on during the first crazy weeks on the ship. It was both heart-breaking and encouraging ... like so many things have been since the earthquake. They shared about the huge need and the feelings of not being able to get to everyone quick enough. They told of survivors that defied logic. We asked lots of questions and they graciously answered all of them.

(Troy- I got to meet C. Jones too! Cool, huh?)

We got tons of fun pictures but Jen was the only one with a camera so Beth and I are patiently waiting for her to be able to share them with us.... she is still hard at work tonight and I would be a total butt to bug her for them now. :) I will add a few in to this post later tonight and more tomorrow.

The Comfort Ship will leave Haiti in the next day or so. They have done AMAZING things there. They have loved Haitians and served so well. I am not being critical of them leaving, just sad they need to leave. I know that they needed to make that tough decision and I know things like that happen at very high levels. The people we met all seemed a bit sad too. They so clearly loved the people, I could tell in the way they shared the stories. It is a bummer to lose loving people like that. I loved that they figured out many true things about the strength of the people. I hope they share that back at home. If I knew of a better way to officially thank the military folks we met today that did SO MUCH for Haiti, I would do it - THANK YOU TO EACH AND EVERY PERSON THAT SERVED ON THE U.S NAVY COMFORT SHIP in the last six weeks. THANK YOU SO MUCH! (Thank you to all the civilians that worked on board too.)

One of the more amazing things that happened- Jen was asked if we could take a little ten year old boy named Rony to recover at our hospital. She happily agreed. It turned out that Rony was the VERY LAST patient to leave the ship. We took the boat ride into the port with him in a little boat ... the crew clapped for him when he left, people cried, it was incredibly touching. I tried to explain to him that he is kind of famous being their last patient to leave ... he had specialized surgeons work on him, he has a lot of recovering to do. He has very severe injuries to his face. The Comfort Ship provided him (us) with some of the best medication available today and we hope to make the next two to three weeks at our hospital a comforting and healing experience for him. He looks really roughed up right now. He did not get help until four weeks post EQ and the infection was/is quite severe. His adult older brother is staying with him at Heartline.

It was so humbling and touching to meet a lot of people who were happy with the partnership with Heartline and who spoke so highly of Jen and ALL of the medical professionals that have been in and out of our little post earth quake clinic/ER/hospital. I was struck by how amazing it is that our tiny little operation (relatively speaking) has received so much positive recognition and affirmation. God is good like that. :)

Right this minute, we have a beautiful Mama named Jesula getting ready to push - this is her third baby. Dad and Sister are here supporting her. We'll share more after baby arrives.

Here is a little video Dr. Abe Jacob from Minnesota took last night of our patients singing and having church time.




Check back for photos from the comfort ship and of new baby later. It is raining here tonight. We hate that for the people. The tents are not a great place to be in the rain.

Thanks for following along and holding these people in your prayers, it means a lot.
tara

JEN blogged about it here.

Natalie & Matt Miller

Natalie & Matt had the most romantic wedding in, Nevada City, California's gold country. The couple celebrated at the Miner's Foundry amid flowers, candles, friends & a Scotch toast.
Congratulations Natalie & Matt!

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Coming home felt so good yesterday. Hugging Jeronne felt so good. I brought video of the kids that she loved watching. Seeing the work and healing happening at the hospital feels so good. Being with my good friends Jen and Beth feels really GREAT.

The mosquitoes, roosters, and lack of power at 4am all reminded me I was not in TX anymore. :)

Today I don't feel incredibly able to share any detailed stories. I am unfocused. I have someone that is doing a story for a news network coming to talk to me about adoption and all the disagreement and issues. They will be here in 15 minutes and I need to make myself look and smell better before they get here. I am hoping to get a chance to explain that the issue of international adoption is multi-faceted and not all good or all bad. I am hoping to point out how seeing it as all good or all bad really can hurt children.

I transported patients around most of the day. There is something about puking in the truck that I am driving ... Jen always gives me the pukers. At one point today I had two pukers in one truck at one time. One guy was so sick we wondered if he might die during transport ... he made it to Miami/Medishare Field hospital (needed oxygen the whole ride which meant having a giant tank because that is the only size tank we have) and will hopefully get some help. The poor guy is 30 and is really ill. It does not seem to be earthquake related. When I was not doing transports I was getting caught up on Women's Program stuff and sterilizing instruments. It was a busy but really good day.

Gotta go-
T.

Troy - I love you. You're the Dad-Bomb-Diddly. Kiss some rowdy kids for me.

Mwen la

The group (and I) got in late this afternoon. I am happy (SO happy) to be here for a bit. The mosquitoes are feasting on me so I am going to keep it short. Really short.

Goodnight.

Unfortunately disasters don't stop bad guys from doing their bad guy things.
First story here.
Thanks to Soledad O'Brien.

Nana

Nana came to visit us and she was lucky enough to experience a little taste of early Spring. On Saturday morning we had a great walk in our new neighborhood. Flowers were in bloom and the weather was BEAUTIFUL!








Nana's visit was short and SWEET. Nana watched the boys so we could accomplish tasks to ready our new house & she helped Sarah fly, with Jackson and Bryce, to California for Natalie & Matt's wedding (which Marty was unable to attend). Thanks Nana!

Happy Thoughts

As we encountered another dreary day of cold, sleety rain today, I came across this photo on the Real Simple Website and it made me happy. It seriously put a little spring in my step.

Don't you love this? They have detailed instructions posted on this project so go and check it out. I am totally going to make this and will post photos when I do. If you make one, please share your links! The more happiness, the better.

I just had to share this with all of you because I know I am not the only one who is so over winter!

Happy Spring,
~MB
www.addressingspaces.com
Bringing new life to your decor and more
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Slow Down

We think we might have another curly headed sweetie on our hands. Pumpkin's hair is getting longer. The ends always flip up. It really cracks us up because it so fits her personality since she is so busy, she should have "busy" hair. She fell asleep taking her afternoon bottle so I took a picture of that sweet calm. You can see just above her ear the little flip of hair.

I think we can also officially call her a walker. Oh, how it almost hurts to type that. In my head I know she is pretty much a walker, but in my heart she is NOT. How can my baby be walking? How can she be turning one in a little over a month? How did it happen so fast? Each day I look at her and can't believe the changes I see in her. I think part of it is just the not knowing if she is our last or if we will someday have another precious baby. I want to cling to each moment, each milestone but they come so quickly and just take my breath away.

And then there is our first baby, the one who made us a mommy and a daddy. She has transformed into a girl before our eyes. Amazing! Why does it have to go so fast? Some days she wants to be a little girl and some days she wants to fill our shoes and be grown up.

I stumbled on this quote the other day and it is exactly how I have been feeling lately, exactly how I want our days to be.

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day, I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."

-Mama

Heading Southeast

Jen tells me that Suzanne (above) has not been back for her narcotic pain patch. Her pain would be severe enough to send someone for it, we're thinking she may have passed-away. There are three people that have deeply moved me in the days and weeks post-EQ, Suzanne is one of them. I like to think of her pain-free and hanging out and talking smack while having a cup of super-sugary Haitian coffee with the Kreyol-speaking angels.

I am packing and getting ready and trying to spend some time tickling and wrestling small people; I need to keep this short. I have been so touched hearing of all the people praying about the different requests I've posted here. I don't really know how to thank you ... but it is insufficient to say "We've been blessed" --- it is more than that. Thank you.

If you're still taking requests, please pray for the new team of 8 flying in with me tomorrow and for Troy as he stays in Texas with our kids. Pray for continued healing at counseling for Troy and Paige. (Yesterday was really good.) I am so hopeful that this trip home will help me figure some things out and get some peace about our future and this Earthquake-forced break we're having in the USA. I am not scared or nervous -- just excited and hopeful. (Don't worry Mom - it will be okay.)

LINKS -

Amazing photos here.
Stories of families being reunited here.
Thoughts and feelings that resonate here.
Ripple effects of the EQ here.

BUSINESS ITEMS -

If you have written asking about sending supplies/donations to Haiti, at this moment I don't have a ton of answers for you - which is why I have not returned your emails or FB messages. We all walk a fine line as far as that goes. If we can buy it in country and feed the hurting economy, we would most-often rather do that. We are still dealing with an emergency situation and that means that cold hard cash is still the most helpful thing to tangibly and quickly (like today) help people. If we can put some money into the hands of a Mother of six today - we are doing her a greater service than telling her to come back for baby blankets and clothes in six to eight weeks when we figure out how to get the items into the country. Shipping things down is incredibly costly and many times we could use that money to buy an item in country. The Haitian Government now has Customs officials charging high taxes again, that also makes it hard to decide to take baby clothing and similar donations. This is not to say that the two ministries we work with won't be shipping containers down, it is just to say at this time I do not have that information for you. Because I don't have a place to store things, I cannot allow you to ship your clothes, toys, hygiene kits, or other items to me. Thanks for your patience and understanding.

If you've written about bringing a team sometime this spring, summer or fall - Please know that we don't at all discount your desire to help. Right now we don't have enough answers about the needs to promise you anything. We do not have adequate housing for teams and need to figure out how to better receive groups. Troy and I made a decision a long time ago that hosting groups in our own house is bad for our kids and our marriage -- we just have far too many balls in the air with our large family and regular ministry responsibilities to host groups in our home. (Read: we immediately start to take the stress out on each other) Both Heartline and World Wide Village are working hard to figure out what the future holds for groups. Rather than write to us, please write to the ministry headquarters with team questions and try to be patient as we determine what the needs (and our ability to host you) will be in a few months.

Until Later,

Tara

Our Babies

There is something very strange about having these two girls in the same place. Our oldest and youngest. Three months after Lydia was born Britt left for college.

On one of our last days together Britt cried that Lydie wouldn't know her. I remember feeling really sad for both of them. These two sisters have reconnected. Lydia (by her choice) left to go with Britt this afternoon. Just the two of them on a date. On Tuesdays and Thursdays she goes to work at a local church with Britt. She adores her big sister. It is so cute. Lydie also loves Chris (her brother-in-law) and calls him "Kiss" and runs when she hears he is at the door.

Yesterday we followed Britt to church and Troy said, "How weird is it that - that is our kid - driving a car - that they bought - there she is - right there in front of us?" I just nodded in agreement. All of this is so odd and so not what I thought February 2010 would be.

We've always sort of felt like our life is not our life. Having kids in college and in diapers - and all the other things that make us odd - we have no category. It seems even stranger to us than it does to you.

Paige is taking a three week Drivers Education course, another thing that does not seem possible. She is very excited. Because of this class even when we return to our Haiti home, she will be eligible to come to TX to take her test to get her license when she is sixteen. That is *big* to this particular 15 year old.

We're hoping to hire some Baylor Education majors in the coming week and get them started tutoring our kids. We've decided with such an unknown future and so much to process that traditional school is too much right now. For school, we're reading and writing and letting a lot slide so we can get counseling and go to Doctors appointments and simply work at figuring out life done first. Worst case scenario, the kids won't get a long summer break and will need to make-up work during that time. Earthquakes have a way of jacking with your plans and any ability to make new plans.

The last few days we've been reading funny FaceBook stati (plural for status?) about the people staying at our house. Kind of weird that we will never meet a lot of them. I am actually heading home on Thursday, very excited about that. I will only stay a week or two depending on what Troy thinks once I am gone. He is Mr. Dad/Mom/do-it-all Extraordinaire and will have (almost) no trouble running this show without me. It is super odd to be going to VISIT my home. But that is what I am doing, so just more weird on top of the weird.

I am anxious to work with Beth to figure out what the post-earthquake Heartline Womens Program is going to look like. I might get south to see the World Wide Village Leogane Hospital project. I am SO looking forward to hugging my amazing friend Jen and spending some time together without as much chaos in the evenings.

I am also excited to assure Jeronne that we love her and deliver her a new pair of jeans that she requested. Troy is giving me his list to accomplish and hopefully it will be an incredibly productive time. I truly hope and pray I can also use this time to help solidify some of the things Troy and I have been talking with God about. See you soon Ayiti Cheri!

For those of you that have received Humanitarian Parole for your Haitian-born child, if you have any marvelous government-type-people that know how to go about getting that HP turned into legitimate U.S. Citizenship ... please let us know. It seems most everyone is getting very few answers about getting started on that process. I get the feeling that will be the next battle for all the adoptive parents.

There are so many great songs and videos and efforts being made to help raise money for Haiti ... here are two more that I have not yet posted here:

Come Together Now - Music City Unites For Haiti from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.

Winter Days

Is it spring yet? We are so ready!!! We did have some warmer weather over the weekend! I was able to take the girls for some walks. We were so thankful for that.

It looks as if this week is going to be cold and possibly snowy again! Drats! I guess this cold weather will make us that much more grateful for spring days. We did hear lots of birds when we were out walking. That is always a good sign of things to come.

We have been doing lots of activities here at home to keep us from going stir crazy. (If you read my crafty blog, sorry for the overlap of pics. They are cutey pie kiddos, though. It shouldn't be a problem to look at them again!)

Fun Lunches and Snow Ice Cream


Indoor Snow Play


Finger Paint Fun (Homemade finger paints, too!)


Sorting, sorting, sorting!


And lots of RASPBERRIES!!!!! And GIGGLES!!!!!!!


And snuggling!!!!

Do you see that little doll Pumpkin is holding? We had "lost" it and found it last week. She went nuts over it. She smooshed it in her face, hugged it, and jabbered to it. She LOVES her baby doll. It makes us melt like butter when she is loving on that baby doll. SWEET!
-Mama

Power Corrupts

Read this post. (Please).

Also-
Americans with permission to leave Haiti from Prime Minister Jean-Max Bellerive AND from the U.S. Embassy ran into trouble as they tried to exit the airport. There were a few loud people who believed the kids were being taken (thanks for that, red-haired lady from Idaho) illegally and they (falsely) accused them.

The security at the airport did not allow the story to be told or evidence to be seen, they reacted and they removed kids from the care of LEGAL guardians to a unicef camp. The guardians were not allowed to stay and calm the kids. The unicef camp would not allow them inside.

I am so sad to have learned (as a result of the earthquake) that most everything in the world is based on money and power. I guess I was a total ignoramus prior to January 12th.

In the last month I have seen such politics and power plays that I feel sick thinking about it.

• I don't believe media (any of them) reports freely. I believe they answer to someone. I believe governments place pressure on media to not run certain stories and I have seen evidence of such.
• I believe that governments are in incestuous relationships with large NGOs and I believe they get so caught up pandering to one another and playing games that they allow people to suffer in the process.
• I believe that many people employed by government agencies in the USA and other countries are afraid to do what is right because their government is too busy doing what is politically prudent and diplomatic. They want to stay employed, therefore they are too fearful to rise above the political bull$%&. (And I understand wanting to stay employed. But it still stinks.)
  
• I believe that unicef, as an organization, is currently on one of the most obnoxious power trips of all time. I believe that they should have to answer to someone for this abuse of power.
  

I don't expect people in power to do the right thing. I have grown incredibly cynical. God and God alone can fix this. Men will continue to do whatever serves their own interests. The pursuit of money and power trumps all in this day and age.

Please pray for the six children stuck in a unicef camp. They were torn away from their caregivers and they have families. Please also pray for God's Littlest Angels Orphanage, which has been operating in Haiti for more than 10 years. Pray for political agendas and desire for power and money to be laid down --- and for the love of God to shine through this particular man-made disaster.

Bowling

The Walter Family and the Dillard Family teamed up for a great evening of bowling! Jayden and Jack are really good buddies. They have so much fun whenever we get together! They weren't the only ones having fun though, Bryce and Addison had fun bowling too!









Marty and I really enjoyed bowling too. It has been a while since we bowled, but after a little practice we got the hang of it and we each scored several strikes and spares.

The Choices - Vast and Unending

Most of our children have lived the majority of their lives in Haiti. This means that they have very limited exposure to shopping, kids' clubs, youth groups, sports teams, choices, and American culture in general. Lydie and Phoebe have no memory of ever entering a Target or Wal-Mart. The two of them have spent only a few weeks of their lives outside of Haiti.

Isaac, Hope, and Noah are freaks inside of these stores. Freaks I tell you. We are making every attempt not to enter those centers of copious amounts of crap with them in tow. Isaac and Noah especially are especially ridiculous. The fact is, these places cause us anxiety, and we're 30-something adults that lived all of our lives with so much to choose from.

The yogurt section alone in a big grocery store is the size of the entire dairy section in the biggest grocery store in Haiti. (Which, incidentally is no longer standing). :( Today Troy said, "The kids like yogurt, let's get some." I thought it was a good idea until I rounded the corner to see that (above). Then I said, "Nope, the kids don't really like yogurt." And we left without any. I am learning that I prefer two choices. Not thirty-four billion. I watched Troy choose cheese today. I peeked from around the corner. It took him 90 seconds to choose a bag of shredded cheese.


Now that we're going out and about into the big world - we are realizing how much easier staying put is and how much Jeronne really helps us. What I am trying to say is: We don't think we are capable of this.

When we go places Troy tries not to create a scene - or so he thinks. Taking our family anywhere draws looks ... so many kids and of multiple skin-tones always draws attention. If by some odd stroke of luck it goes pretty well when we're all out and about, Lydie does her best to fix that. She'll scream in Kreyol or demand things unceasingly. I like when we park and Troy unloads the kids while saying, "Okay now kids, we're going to walk in quietly and we're going to stay calm and mellow." Before the sentence has spilled from Troy's lips, Noah is sprinting across the parking lot yelling and I am laughing at Troy and his overinflated and unrealistic sense of control. Just minutes later Noah opens an emergency exit to prove my point.

Last night the lifeguards at the Baylor pool told us "most parents don't watch their kids" and that we were "exceptional." I was not sure if we should be flattered and pat ourselves on the back or admit to the lifeguard guy that if we don't watch them, there is a really good chance Lydia will strip down to her birthday suit and take a dump in their pool, or Noah will figure out how to pull the plug and drain their pool altogether. (Although, if Lydie had pooped that might be a good thing.)

Our lives in Haiti are very centered on home and family. Most every night we're home. If we go out of our gate, it would be to eat with John and Beth. At home we eat the same four or five menus all the time. The variety is little but no one feels they are lacking a thing. We go out as a large group only on Sunday for church. There are no swimming lessons or soccer practices to juggle. No Target runs, and no McDonalds. We hang out and make our own fun. Nobody charges us for it. There are not constantly pressures to run from thing to thing. The lack of television means my kids are not begging for toys and all the things advertising convinces us we need. It is beautiful and it is one more thing I love about living in Haiti.

The other night we took our kids to a local establishment for dessert. They were wildly begging and had not left the house that day and just would.not.drop.it. They knew what they wanted, it seems their older sister introduced them to this crack-for-kiddies before we arrived.

That establishment is case-in-point for all that is wrong with consumers today. We get fooled into believing we need so many choices -- and simply just that we NEED at all. On that night, the Livesay kids thought they NEEDED dessert.

Here is what the consumer experience looked like:

• You walk in to a peach and teal painted shack, meant to replicate a beach-side stand.

(Note: you're still in the center of a giant state with no beach anywhere to be found. And it is still 45 degrees outside.)

• You ask the teenage girl chewing her gum with purpose and ignoring you to take your order.

• She acts like you've inconvenienced her but gets up anyway.

• You then must help six children choose from not one not three not five flavor choices

... No ...

• You must help them choose from 7,000 flavors. Grape or Guerilla Grape, Super Strawberry or Strawberry Shortcake or Strawberry Cheesecake or Sour Lemon, Lemon-Lime, Lemon Twist, Lemony Lemon ... and on and on it goes.

• Once you've done that you happily turn over close to $3.00 for 8 ounces of shaved ice with a squirt of colored sugar water on it.

• You leave thinking you've done something really great for your kids.

• In reality, you've just given the beach-side shack in the commercial district of Waco, TX about $20 for colorful frozen water.

Oh Choices. You slay me.

Counseling is going well. We learned that each of us experienced the earthquake and everything after it in totally different ways. What bothers me greatly does not bother Troy. The three of us doing EMDR are still finding it incredibly bizarre -- but also incredibly effective. We can only say that as weird as it is, it works. We've always been open to counseling. I totally don't get being embarrassed by going to talk to a counselor.

Troy and I have gone to counseling on and off for years and have only had really great outcomes. Once, early in our marriage, we got really stuck in a fight about having kids vs. not having kids. We were arguing about having one more. We had the girls. (Troy's awesome package deal he got when he landed me.) I was happy and thinking we did not need more children. Troy wanted at least one. So off to counseling we went after a few weeks of disagreeing and getting stuck in a cycle without reaching a conclusion. It helped to talk through our fears and get to the root issue.
So, our compromise was to add five children ... see - see how counseling helps you make really awesome decisions like that. :) (We still don't really know how that happened.)

A good counselor can be hugely effective. Our past (and current) counselors have spoken truth into our lives and have been a huge blessing. Not getting help when you need it and ignoring problems is far more curious to me than counseling is.

Counseling has me thinking about bigger things too. I am trying to determine what it is that makes me feel a strong pull to Haiti? What it is that causes me to wish we could all go back tomorrow. Often times we do things for selfish reasons and certainly I am no different. Haiti must provide a pay-off for me or I would not feel so pulled to get home. So far I think it is just that leaving Haiti intensified the grief. Being there was so much easier. We figured out how to live there and overall this seems harder. (Yet easier in other ways.) Those who have asked how Troy is doing, he feels the same as me, is also grieving, only with 56% of the intensity. ( 2% margin of error). He's a guy. He's not going to blabber on and on about his feelings. Sorry.

I'm also realizing that one of the biggest things to grieve is the loss of what was Haiti. Of course there are those that say that Haiti now has a chance to rebuild, and use this as a way to make things better. That will be amazing when it happens, but I still cannot help but feel grief. I am a little bit stuck in the bargaining stage and find myself constantly asking God for January 11th. That normal is not coming back. Everything has changed. It makes me profoundly sad. Those people buried in mass graves don't get to be remembered and honored in the way they deserved. Their suffering could have lasted days and we'll never know those stories. That makes me sad too. The things that the survivors saw and had to do is crushing and I don't know how they will recover from those horrific sights and sounds and experiences. There are not enough EMDR therapists in the world. That makes me sad.

I am anxious to be further down the road and looking back at this time ... I want to see and feel more of the good and more of the future. I want the Haitian people to experience miraculous and unexplainable healing and peace. I want them to have a future and a hope. That is what we're praying. Lord hear our prayers.