( No, I am not taking about that button where you can "follow" a blog :) )
Daniel just took...hmm...let me subtract...five of the children with him to see if they can get some parts needed to fix the children's bikes. Elijah and Benjamin are across the street working for our neighbor, the four youngest are napping, and Isaiah is sick resting on the couch.
I haven't updated here near as much as I would like; quiet moments like these are rare :-). Although the house has seemed strangly quiet since Uncle Joel, Aunt Deborah and the cousins left...we had a wonderful time, are so thankful for their willingness to come visit, and miss them already.
I've been feeling sick again this week with what appears to be another bladder/kidney infection. The fevers make the 90+ degree weather feel pleasant :)
The Lord has used this past year to teach me so much. How thankful I am for His love, patience, mercy and faithfulness!
One of the things He has taught me is simple trust and faithfulness. I remember when Daniel was so sick last year and the doctors told us he had cancer. I remember how the Lord was so gracious in carrying me through those trying days. How I had to lean completely on Him; and how wonderfully and sweetly He poured out His comfort, grace, and strength!
I remember writing in my journal a couple weeks after Daniel got home about how discouraged I was. Here I felt that I had gone through such a big trial and now on the other side of it, I was struggling with so many "little things".
And again the last few months I have felt very much the same way. How many "big" trials we have passed through, yet how often it is the "little" things Satan uses to bring doubts, fears, discouragement, or discontentment.
It is natural to cling to the Lord as we are going through times of great uncertainty. It is natural when your world seems to be falling all around you to constantly be in communion with the God who is sovereign over all. It is natural to want to seek Him through prayer, His Word, and how tender our hearts become. The Psalmist said, "It is good for me to have been afflicted that I might learn thy statutes" (Ps. 119:71)
But during the "calms" it is equally important...vital...to be in constant communion with our Lord. How He has shown me that this year!
How He has shown me how very weak I am. Satan loves to take that thought there and use it to scare me. I would look at my precious children and feel so overwhelmed at the task at hand! And no matter how much I planned, prepared, worked, and prayed, often times things seemed to be spirling down hill faster than I could possibly keep up. The home schooling, training, attitudes, their tender hearts, the work of the home, our dear brothers and sisters in Christ in our church...I felt I could not possibly care for all the needs there were!
I know the Lord makes no mistakes and I knew that He had chosen to make me the mommy of our children and place me here in Mexico to be a help meet to my husband. And slowly I began to realize how much I was relying on myself. Even in my times of prayer, I wasn't truly trusting the Lord as I needed to. And you know, with just that realization, the Lord began to change my heart.
Daniel was preaching on Revelation Wednesday night at church. What a glorious book! During the message he read a verse in John. I actually don't even remember what the point was he was making with this verse because as soon as he read it, the Lord spoke to my heart.
John 21:22- "Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me."
Over the past several weeks, I had let my mind think about how things would be so much easier if only I was in "such and such a place" or if I had "this or that" or if "this happened" or this person was "this way". When I opened my Bible to this verse and read it, the Lord spoke to me.
"Follow me Jaynee." How I want to know the Lord more! How often I fall! But I know that no matter how much of a mess I make of things, the Lord is always loving me, always there, always ready to forgive, and I can instantly trust and follow Him.
This week has been so wonderful! Has He changed? NO! But He has changed me! :-)
Day by day, He leads. Day by day, I want to follow. I want my children to know how very real, loving, and faithful our God is! Jesus Christ has shed His blood and paid the penalty for my sins. I want them to know His peace that only He can give! Do you know Him? Does He know you? He is so good!
